Mine!
Stream of consciousness from November 17th
I want to share more! It’s a bit surprising that I still find it so hard to do so. In my drafts sit loaves of bread that have been over kneaded beyond repair. Essays that may have started out delicious but that I beat into oblivion with over editing and over thinking. So here is a journal entry I wrote in November. You can’t edit a journal entry, it simply is what it is! Some sections have periods and some don’t, and still, life goes on. Proper grammar is out for 2025! Live a little!
I had a poem in my mind but I got distracted crunching leaves. It was good, the poem and the leaves. I sit with my hot water bottle mine! My stomach hurts I ate too much milk chocolate My youth evades me Rich in most every sense Clean water Hot water bottle Deep couch, many socks, savings Yet wanting a cashmere sweater Despicable I have it all But I was taught to want more So I do Cursed with thinking My thoughts consume me Seeping out of my head & Controlling everything around me If only When I talk about the stars, the wind, my soul Shyness takes over “It is rude to flaunt my awareness to others” I tell myself But I fear I am a fraud, That my connection is simply a thought, a poem. Real to me, and me alone. Am I too young and naive for enlightenment? Probably. My past lives are itching for me to grow up. “STAY FOCUSED!” they yell But I am too distracted crunching leaves A poem came to me, of course I mean a thought came to me It left as soon as I got my pen out mine! My mind taunts me And I feel it in my chest Is this what mind-body connection is? How would I know, my mind is only ever going in every direction. “STAY FOCUSED!” But my stomach hurts! I ate too much milk chocolate. I have to go scroll on Instagram from my desktop until it makes me sad Can’t scroll from my phone anymore, trying to reduce my screen time. It doesn’t count on desktop, it takes longer to make me sad. I feel so insignificant, what a pathetic thought! “STAY FOCUSED!” Tonight I was going to make a list for 2025. 20 books chosen ahead of time, leaving plenty of space for books found in the moment. But I got distracted. Crunching leaves. And scrolling on Instagram on my desktop Which doesn’t count! Just makes me sad.


Eve!! I really loved this so much. Thank you for sharing.